


Staying Strong Together

by PhandomPhreak



Series: Bear, Lion, and Smol Light [7]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Heavy Angst, M/M, Phanfiction, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 22:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10649769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhandomPhreak/pseuds/PhandomPhreak
Summary: *This is a REALLY heavy fic with some crazy shit so if you're looking for pure fluff- go somewhere else! You've been warned...*Dan and Phil are put through something they never wanted to go through when their daughter isn't thinking straight... :c





	1. Some Problems Are Just Mysterious

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE RISEN FROM THE DEAD! I was killed by the plague known as "writer's-block". (Again...) I wasn't quite happy with a couple stories I had been writing and scrapped them, and I almost scrapped this one, too. Now I have another idea that I'm going to start working on and if you have any ideas PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me! But yeah, this one is really sad and has serious triggers so don't read this if you're sensitive to suicide related crap. Sorry... (Oh, and the chapters are relatively short.)

Dan’s P.O.V.

    _I didn’t want this! She doesn’t deserve this! She was past this! She’s stronger than this! How could I have been so blind?! I should’ve known… I should’ve paid more attention to her… I should’ve stopped her sooner… I should’ve helped her!-_ “Dan, it isn’t all your fault- I should’ve noticed, too,” Phil shook me from my vicious thoughts as placed his hand over mine gently, his voice calm but still heavy with sorrow. I ceased tugging at my hair and looked up at him, hot tears still streaming down my face. “She isn’t gone. She’s right in front of you. She’s just…” Phil paused, trying to think of the right word, “…recovering…” “BUT SHE COULD’VE BEEN GONE, PHIL!” I stood up quickly, beginning to aggressively run my hand through my curls again as I paced. “I know I doubted my parenting capabilities _many_ times before, but _now_?! Jesus Christ, if I can’t see the signs when I went through _exactly_ what she’s going through, that’s just more proof of my inability to care for another human! I’m so STUPID!” I rambled in my frustration and guilt. “How could I have possibly thought she was happy?! I just can’t do this, Phil. I can’t care for myself- why did I _ever_ think I could raise a child properly?! I’m sorry that she chose a bumbling idiot as a father. _You’re_ great, Phil! _I’m_ the problem!” “DANIEL! STOP! You are _not_ the problem!” Phil stood up and spun me around with a death grip on my shoulders, forcing me to look into his piercing blue eyes. Shocked, I didn’t retaliate- I let him continue. “Some problems are just mysterious,” his words were broken and thick with emotion. My angry tears were replaced with ones of grief and- for lack of a better word- sadness. I sank to the cold, hard, tiled floor, sobbing into Phil’s soft hair. He sat down with me, holding me close. After a bit I looked up to my left to see her. She looked the same as before. Her skin (that was already very fair) was missing its rosy undertones and now looked grayish. Her hair had very little volume and the vibrancy of her strawberry-blonde locks was gone. Her beautiful light-green eyes were hidden behind her lids that looked as if they might never open again. All hints of life were gone from her limp body other than the excruciatingly slow rise and fall of her chest. I cried even more. Our daughter, Vi, had attempted to kill herself.


	2. The Signs Were All There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil talks about how it was obvious something was up with Vi, but they just didn't realize it.

Phil’s P.O.V.  
She was distant. Her eyes didn’t have their usual glow- in fact, she had rather dark circles underneath them. She was quiet even by her standards. She didn’t play the piano as often. She stopped hanging out with her girlfriend so frequently. We stopped hearing her giggles or laughter at something stupid on the internet. We never saw her smile. She hardly ever left her room. She turned down more meals- claiming that she had eaten earlier. The signs were all there. We were just too busy to catch any of them. It’s sad that it took us until her girlfriend came over to ask if she was ok to start noticing anything. It’s sad because I had seen Dan do all of those things and stopped him from doing something we’d regret. Dan is really struggling with everything. He blames himself when he really shouldn’t- if anything it’s my fault as much as his… But yes, apparently Rita had been picking up on Vi’s behavior and came to our flat over the weekend to make sure she was ok because she hadn’t been answering her phone. We said that she just seemed tired and a little distracted to us and that we were sure she was fine. She wasn’t. We’ve been trying to figure out what could’ve brought this up again. We knew that she had been shunned when she came out a couple years ago and that she had had a really hard time and that she almost took her own life then. But we thought that she had moved past all of that because of her total confidence in her sexuality now. Maybe we were wrong, or maybe it’s something else. All we know is that when she wakes up, we have to help her through it all over again.


	3. These Vivid Memories Haunt Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of how everything went down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE CHAPTER!!! STAY AWAY IF SENSITIVE TO SUICIDE ATTEMPTS!!! NOT A HAPPY CHAPTER!!!

Dan’s P.O.V.

     I knocked on her door… No answer. “Smol Light? Rita just stopped by to ask how you were. Are you in there?” The lights were off. _Did she go to bed early?_ I tried to push the door open to check but it was locked. I began to have a sinking feeling in my chest as worry quickly built up. “Vi? Come on…” I knocked on the door harder with one hand and hopelessly tried to open the door with the other. Phil came over asking if everything was alright, and he must’ve seen the look on my face and gotten the same suspicion. I stepped aside to let him have a go, but it still didn’t budge and there was no answer from Vi. We looked at each other, panic now bubbling inside us furiously. I frantically looked for the spare key while Phil continued pounding on her door and calling to our unresponsive daughter, but the key was nowhere to be found. Tears were forming in both of our eyes now as we screamed her name. We knew that she wasn’t anywhere else in the flat and that she hadn’t left. Phil finally backed away and I rammed into the door with my shoulder as hard as I could until it came off its hinges. It hurt like hell but I couldn’t afford to think about the physical pain. I saw her standing by her window with a razor blade in her hand. Blood coated her forearms as it flowed from the dozens of deep gashes she’d made on her perfect skin. I couldn’t hear, only yell as she turned to look at me, her eyes emotionless. I ran to her, ripping the blade from her hand and flinging it across the room, slightly cutting my hand in the process. There was a ringing in my ears and pounding in my head that wouldn’t go away. I screamed for Phil who had already ran to go get towels and plasters in the time I had been fighting Vi for the razor. We knelt on either side of her as she stood- swaying slightly- and fruitlessly attempted to stop the open wounds that littered her arms from spilling out any more blood. But it was too late as Vi gave us each one last look before her eyes fluttered shut and she collapsed into our arms. I cried out even louder, still trying to prevent more blood loss. Phil told me that an ambulance was already on the way, but I couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t even hear my own yelling. Suddenly, we heard hammering at the door and Phil ran off to let the paramedics in. They came rushing in (as fast as they could because of our stupid stairs) and were pulling Vi out of my arms before I had a chance to process anything. We followed them into the ambulance as they sped to the hospital. Everything was a blur to me. Of course they stitched up all of her cuts and gave her the nutrients she had lost from her lack of eating through an IV drip. Now she was just- as Phil had said- “recovering” in the hospital, still unconscious. I feel worse than I thought could be possible. I guess when you almost lose someone so important to you right before your eyes, it’s a whole new level of feeling like shit. But these vivid memories haunted me every time I looked at her.


	4. I'm His Anchor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the poor beans are doing after it first happened...

Phil’s P.O.V.  
It’d only been a day, but our families had already visited us, comforting us and assuring us that everything would be ok. Our close friends- Louise, P.J., and Chris- had visited, too. With our permission, they spread the word that we were having some “private issues” and that we would be taking a break for a while. Though we stayed away from the internet, they told us how everyone was worried and wishing us well- though they had no clue what was really wrong. It was sweet, nonetheless. Cat had heard and skyped us to make sure we were doing okay. Tyler did, too. Even Rita dropped in. She was pretty shaken and I felt awful for her. I was grateful for everyone’s love and support, but I still felt horrible. We never left Vi’s side the whole time she was in the hospital. The doctor said it’d be about another day or two before she woke up. That doesn’t sound like much, but it felt like eons. She also said that we’d have to put Vi on antidepressants again and think about therapy for her. It hurt me that Vi had come so far and here she was again. I wish we could’ve known her sooner and helped her the first time around- then maybe it wouldn’t have happened again. She wasn’t in a stable position before… But at least she is now… Right? Not knowing what caused this has been driving me crazy. I tried to think of everything that could’ve triggered this sudden change. Had we not been spending enough time with her? Did we not show her how much we loved her enough? Or was it something that she didn’t tell us about- like a bully or something? But I need to keep a brave face for Dan and for Vi. Dan hasn’t been in the right mindset for a while now, so I’m trying to keep a level-head. I’m his anchor- and if his anchor begins to crack, he’ll stress out even more, and that’s the last thing we need…


	5. But That'd Be a Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vi wakes up and some angst ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty sad chapter, too. It's longer than the last few... Vi just needs some support.

Dan’s P.O.V.

     It had been about two days since Vi had gone unconscious and I was feeling particularly shitty that night, so I cried for about an hour before climbing into the bed with her. I didn’t feel like waking Phil up and I just missed Vi. She took up so little space on the massive hospital bed so it wasn’t a huge problem. I was aware that I could probably get in trouble but I didn’t care at that point- I just wanted to be with my daughter. I rested my head lightly on her chest, making sure not to crush it or disturb her steady breathing. It was the sound of her heart that finally lulled me to sleep and for the first time since everything had happened, there were no nightmares.

********************************************

     I felt someone playing with my hair lightly. I felt calm and at peace for the first time in a long time. It was so gentle, I never wanted it to end. Then it registered- _who was doing that?_ Just as I had begun to ask myself that, I felt something cool and wet hit my head. I begrudgingly pulled my eyes open and was blinded by the sun pouring in through the open window. When my eyes adjusted, I looked up and saw Vi softly tugging on my curls, crying so quietly that I wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for the first tear that fell on me. Her eyes were still closed and she was shivering slightly. She already looked so weak and frail, and it was even more obvious up close. I wanted to cry, but I had absolutely no clue how she’d react if I did. Tears still pricked my eyes, but I refused to let any fall. Instead, I lifted my hand up and brushed hers away. She let out a little sob at my touch, still not opening her eyes. I cupped her cheek as I pushed myself up as gently as possible. Inside, I was still a wreck. I had to majorly restrain myself from scooping her up into my arms and hugging as tightly as possible, shouting for joy. I remained calm, and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. She began to cry a little harder and turned her head away from me. Now Phil started to stir and mumbled, “Bear? Where did- Oh my god.” He slowly got up and knelt down on the opposite side of the bed. “Smol Light? Vi?” he reached out to her and she turned away again. He glanced up at me- relieved, happy, sad, worried, and confused all at the same time. “Smol Light what’s wrong?” I said quietly. She just shook her head, still not speaking. “At least tell us you’re ok, please?” Phil’s voice wavered towards the end. That’s when she finally opened her gorgeous bright-green eyes that I had missed for so long. She looked at us both one at a time dead in the eyes and said, “B-but that’d be a l-lie.” Her voice was small and raspy from not using it for so long. Phil and I couldn’t contain our tears for any longer when she said those five sad words. I moved off of the bed to sit by Phil, who was finally letting his feelings all the way out. It was my turn to comfort him as he sobbed into my shoulder. I just rested my chin on his head, still crying as well. “P-please d-don’t cry for m-me. I d-don’t deserve it.” That’s when I got a little angry. I closed my eyes and said in a low growl, “Vi, don’t you _fucking dare_ say you aren’t worth our tears. _How could you say that?! Why would you even_ think _that?!_ ” “Bear! Please,” Phil said softly. I opened my eyes to look down at him and he was looking back at me with pleading eyes. Then I looked up to see Vi shrinking back into her bed, her face contorted with fear and guilt. I instantly regretted saying what I had and placed my head in my hands. “I’m sorry. For so many things. For my outburst just now, for doing a crappy job of raising you, for not noticing anything was wrong when I dealt with the same thing you are, for everything. I am so, so sorry, Vi. Your Dad and I just love you so much and…” I trailed off. “ _I’M_ SORRY! I hurt you and made you worry and I was selfish and stupid and ignorant and thought that you wouldn’t care if I was gone and I let those _dumbass_ demons in my head regain control after I already defeated them and _I don’t deserve parents as incredible as you and you don’t deserve a daughter as worthless as me!_ ” she shrieked before hacking her lungs out. “Vi, Vi, calm down. Take a deep breath. Try not to get too worked up. Don’t overexert yourself,” Phil reached over and rubbed her arm and she cried out in pain and pulled away harshly, her face screwed up in agony. “OH MY GOD, Smol Light! I forgot about your stitches I’m sooooo sorry! It was an accident-” “DAD! It’s fine! Christ, what’s with all of these apologies coming from you guys? What the hell do _you_ have to be sorry for? It isn’t _your_ fault my birth parents fucked me up!” she said maliciously. “I was just a stupid mistake! Do you think I wanted to be abused and uncared for? Do you think my parents were in their right mind when they treated me the way they did? Do you think I wanted to be lesbian? Do you think I wanted to be shut out because of that? Do you think I wanted to make you suffer? NO! ALL OF THE THINGS THAT MADE ME WHO I AM WERE ALL _STUPID MISTAKES!_ ” she cried out, shaking uncontrollably. She had somehow gone even more pale which worried me, and small beads of sweat were forming on her forehead. Her eyes had a fire in them that I had never seen before, yet I knew that behind her rage was just a very broken girl who needed love. I knew because I’d been there…


	6. I'm Ready to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vi explains her intentions when she tried to kill herself.

Phil’s P.O.V.

     After Vi’s outburst, we decided to leave everything aside until she was fully recovered. The hospital decided to keep her for another day to make sure she wouldn’t pass out again or anything. With stitches on both arms and being over all weak, things were going to be hard for her at home. Someone came each day to say hi and see how she was, and she was always happy to see them. Rita came each day for about an hour and they’d talk. I was glad that Vi had her to confide in. After about a week of being at home, she came up to us and said, “I’m ready to talk.” We headed to the lounge and all sat on the couch. I opened my mouth to say something but she held her hand up, indicating for me to let her speak first. “I don’t want to see a therapist. I hate them. I have antidepressants and they worked fine on their own last time. I don’t feel like everyone on the internet has to know any of this so no videos or tweets explaining what happened- but no lies either! And _no apologies_. We get it- we’re all sorry for whatever crap we did that the other person thinks we didn’t do wrong. Ok? _Now_ you can talk.” I almost giggled- she was so straightforward and good at speaking her mind when she wanted to. We had a long conversation about a lot of things. Dan and I understood just about everything she had to say because we’d both felt the same way before. Dan especially knew what she felt like. Basically, she had a _MAJOR_ existential crisis that screwed up her self-value and she decided not to tell anyone and work through it alone. Then it got out of control and it got to the point where she didn’t think she was good enough for anyone so she thought it’d be easier for herself to end her life than to deal with feeling worthless and insignificant. She thought she was useless to the world and that nobody would mind if she were gone, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. It made me so sad that she truly believed that about herself. And now I felt bad that she was so ashamed and disappointed in herself for her solution. “How do you feel now, Smol Light?” Dan rubbed her back. “A lot better now that I got that off my chest,” she sighed. I wrapped my arm around her and said, “I bet. We do too, now that we know what was going on in your head when everything happened. And you know you can always talk to us. Or if not us you have Rita, and you can even ask us if you just want to talk to Aunt Lou- she said she’d always be ok with letting you talk to her and she wouldn’t tell us anything you didn’t want her to.” She let out a small laugh and said, “Ok thanks. But for now I just wanna snuggle and watch some _Steven Universe_.” So that’s what we did until she fell asleep in between us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vi just needs to love herself and know that she is important to the people in her life. <3


	7. I Froze in Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan slips up (again)...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter to make up for the hella long one earlier...

Dan’s P.O.V.

     I felt so bad for Vi. I forgot to tell her I had moved the livestream from Tuesday to the Monday before, so she just thought I was filming a video. Phil (that twit) was out getting groceries and left his phone so he was unable to help, so she yelled for my assistance. “SHIT! Papa!!!” she had called out. The audience was amused by her unusual outburst. I chuckled as I called back, “Yeah, what’s up?” she came into the room with her empty pill bottle in hand, unaware of the thousands of people watching this unfold. “I’m out of antidepressants, when can we go to get them refilled?” I froze in shock, looking back and forth from her to the YouNow chat that was going wild. She instantly caught her mistake when I froze and she did the same. A deep scarlet color rushed to her cheeks and she closed her eyes, her hands shaking. She took a deep breath before slowly walking out of the room without a word. “…I-I’m… She-… Shit, I gotta go, sorry guys.” I quickly ended the stream and just sat, unable to process what had just happened. _We just can’t catch a break, can we?_


	8. So This is an Update Video...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vi finally decides to just tell the fans what had been going on.

Phil’s P.O.V.

     I didn’t expect for the house to be so quiet when I returned from the store. I had left my phone, so I hoped everything was ok. The air was tense, and I didn’t like it. “Bear, Smol Light! I’m home!” I only received a sigh from Dan and I’s room and a small groan from Vi’s. _Oh god, what happened_ this time _while I was gone?_ I heard them both shuffle and they simultaneously opened their doors. “Hey you two, what’d I miss? I bent down and kissed Vi’s head before moving back up to peck Dan’s cheek. “How was the liveshow?” They both flinched and looked at the floor. “Oh no…” They explained what went wrong and I cringed just hearing about it. I felt awful for them- especially Vi. I thought for a moment before saying, “Well for starters, we can get your prescription refilled tomorrow, so you’ll have to hang on for a while, Smol Light. Besides that, I think we should just make a quick video explaining everything- we don’t have to go into detail or anything. Or we don’t have to at all, I just think it’d be a good idea. The fans are dying to know why we were gone and now with that bit of info, they’re going to go crazy.” “No shit, that last clip from the liveshow and pictures zoomed in on my stitches are everywhere…” Vi grumbled under her breath. “Well, what do you say, Vi?” Dan placed a hand on her shoulder. She threw her hands up slightly and sighed, “They might as well know the whole story…”

********************************************

     “Hey guys.” “Hello Internet.” “Hi there.” None of us were as upbeat as usual. “So this is an update video…” I began awkwardly. “…about, um, why we were gone, the liveshow the other day,…” Dan added. “…and…me…” Vi refused to look up at us or the camera as she finished. “Well, the reason we’ve been gone was because…” she sighed, “because I almost successfully committed suicide.” “Smol Light, don’t pick at your stitches,” I held her hand to help keep her nervousness at bay. “I-I was just dealing with a lot of self-hatred and I didn’t think I was _remotely_ important and-” her voice broke off and she rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand. Dan and I both wrapped an arm around her comfortingly. “You guys finish the story, I can’t,” she said weakly. I looked at Dan and he nodded before continuing to recount the grim events of the last week. “So um, she cut herself- a lot. She had locked her door and I basically had to ram it down and she passed out not long after we had gotten in.” Vi looked down at her stitches, disgusted and embarrassed by her actions. I pulled her head down to rest in my lap and held her shaking form tightly to reassure her that it was alright. “They took her to the hospital where she stayed unconscious for a few days and that’s when we had our friends tell you guys that we were taking a break.” When Dan finished he looked at me as if to say, “I can’t tell anymore, you have to finish.” I took a deep breath and wrapped up the story. “When she finally woke up, she stayed for about another day and we got her prescription for her antidepressants and went home. Our family and friends dropped by to give us support and she recovered well. Well actually she still is…” I looked down to her and she looked back up at me with a bittersweet smile. “But that explains my liveshow and when she came in. Phil hadn’t been here and left his phone,” Dan shot me a playful glare, “and Vi just thought I was filming so she thought I could edit that part out. (For those of you who don’t know, Vi came in asking about her prescription, by the way.)” “She’s supposed to get her stitches off tomorrow and I’m pretty sure that’s it.” I added. “Now we’re just staying strong together- as a family,” I rubbed Vi’s shoulder as she sat up slowly. “Thank you for understanding. And please don’t make a massive deal out of this- I’m gonna be ok,” she closed out the video. We uploaded the uncut video to both of our channels and decided not to bring anything related to the chain of recent events up unless necessary. But what I had said was true- we were going to keep staying strong together. ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for depressing story. I hope I can start writing some that aren't so angsty and dramatic... Positive criticism is always welcome and don't hesitate to give me any suggestions or prompts! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this really sad story! <3


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